Like No One's Looking
by surestsmile
Summary: In a war where hearts are often the wager, even the winners lose. -Post-KH-


Disclaimer: I do not own **Kingdom Hearts**. Disney/Square-Enix owns them.

Notes: Yay for ambiguity. Warnings for potential squick, and implied pairings.

Like No One's Looking

He had come back alone.

He appeared suddenly on the islands, one fine day, dressed in a yellow t-shirt and shorts, fishing rod held in one hand. When Kairi saw him, she screamed in surprise and ran forward, arms wide open to hug him, but he sidestepped her neatly, putting his free hand behind his head and laughing. It was like the old Sora was home.

When she asked about Riku, though, his smiling face faded a little, and he muttered a soft, cryptic, "Riku's gone," refusing to say anything else. Even questions from the other islanders were left unanswered, and eventually, they let him at that; just glad, just happy that he came back.

They all thought Riku died, somewhere out there, but no one dared to ask _where._ It was almost an unspoken agreement among them that they shouldn't ask, shouldn't pry into the affairs of the Keyblade Master. Sometimes, they speculated that Sora couldn't bring Riku back because he was already buried somewhere. Or that Sora wasn't allowed to.

But mostly, it was because they had sensed the struggling normalcy everyone knew Sora was trying to maintain, the self-same forced cheerful smile on his face, spending his days swimming, fishing, fighting, as if nothing had happened, but something was missing.

She didn't notice his evasiveness at first. At the beginning, she thought that maybe he had to grow used to being touched again, maybe he had to get used to island life once more after five years of being away. The life of an islander was always so peaceful, so tranquil, so complacent, maybe he had difficulty adjusting for the time being.

However, she began to see and look at the changes. Sora's hands were always cold nowadays, ever since he came back. Physically, he still looked normal, acted normal, but whenever she held his hands, touched his arms and legs, and once, kissing his cheek, she could feel the coldness radiating from his skin, and his eyes would flash, just for one moment, at her before he pulled his body away.

It was difficult to find him after that.

When she called on his house, she was surprised to hear that he had moved out. His mother smiled hesitantly when she asked her why, saying that Sora told her that he had found a small hut just on the southern side of the main island, and asked if he could live there.

"Inside, I…I had wanted him to move out too," she murmured, looking guilty, and she said quietly, sadly, what they all knew. "He's changed."

Kairi didn't know what to say to that, except thank her and leave.

Two days later, when she saw him again, pants rolled up to his knees, legs deep in water as he waited to spear fish, an unfathomable lump lodged in her throat.

"Sora?"

He just turned his head a little, nodding slightly, before his hand moved, the spear making a quiet splash and she squeaked in surprise. For a moment, there was only the sound of the seagulls and the hapless flapping of silver scales and tail, and then Sora's voice cut through the not-silence.

"What is it?"

"It's…it's about Riku." She watched his actions carefully, callused hands gripping the struggling, dying fish, pulling it off smoothly. His expression was serious, as if removing the fish was an important task that required his utmost attention. Gently, he now laid the dead fish next to its many siblings, and then faced her, a small, ready smile on his lips.

"What do you want to know?"

She was taken back by his seeming readiness to talk, and she was stammering a bit as she spoke her question. "What happened?"

The words that dropped from his lips seemed to stop time. Although he was moving as he spoke, gathering up the fish in a woven basket, setting the spear behind a pile of rocks that would guard it from the sun and the rain until the next time, it seemed as though she was frozen to the spot.

"He died, Kairi.

"I should have stayed with him. I should never have left him there."

His eyes arrested her with their eternally blue gaze, and his smile was no longer false, no longer forced.

"He was my friend, and I left him there to die."

She tried to move, tried to speak, but she couldn't. It was as if something was holding her captive, and she could only move her eyes. He moved next to her, one hand lifted to caress her cheek. She could smell the rank scent of fish; feel the wet icy-ness of his fingertips.

"I left Riku there to die."

Kairi wanted to shiver at the despair in his voice. He tucked her hair behind her ears almost tenderly, still smiling, and then stepped past her.

"It's just a small spell. It'll wear off soon."

The sun was half down when she suddenly found the freedom to collapse on her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks in shock and fear. Her fingers clawed deep marks in the sand, and she gasped, feeling as if she was the fish that he had speared, eternities ago.

Wakka found her, drawn by the shallow sounds she was making. His first touch around her bare arms made her scream, flinching almost violently away, and he grabbed her, turning her around.

"Kairi! Kairi, its me, ya? It's Wakka!"

Somehow, she found herself clinging to him tightly, hyperventilating uncontrollably, and for the longest time he held her in his arms, making confused but soothing noises. His arms were warm and closed around her, and reminded her of a protective mother's…or an old friend's.

"Wakka," she said almost timidly, once she got her breathing under control. She didn't try to extricate herself. "Can you follow me to find Sora's home?"

She could tell that he was afraid, from the sudden stiffness in his limbs. Immediately, she started to back off, started to apologise, saying it was alright, she can go alone, saying it was-

"Okay, ya."

His hand on her arm was warm to the touch, and his smile was uncertain, even watery. Those massive, bared, scarred shoulders of his, burnt deep brown by the sun, shrugged as he said, "We all gotta find out someday, anyway."

The southern part of the main island looked rather deserted when they got there, and it was easy to see find Sora's new home among the rows of overturned boats. Wakka explained to her that most people preferred the mainland where there were stores easily accessible, and only fishermen came to this part to fish in their boats. No one really stayed.

Sora's home was the watchman's house, although there wasn't a watchman for _years_ because no one had tried to steal fishing boats. The islands were too small for a thief to hide, and no one had any motivation to become a thief anyway.

Kairi could feel her heart beating with trepidation, walking up the steps to the hut. She felt her feet slide a little, and she looked down, surprised to see frost on the wood. Wakka eyed the thin sheet of ice uneasily, but he followed her up the steps.

She knocked on the door first, but received no answer. She called out Sora's name, but there was no response. The doorknob was cold to the touch when she finally put her hand to it, but it turned without difficulty. And the house was as dark as dark when they stepped into it, and she shivered at the wintry feel. Wakka took her hand in his, gripping it tightly and shaking.

"Sora?"

His name was swallowed in the silent stillness of the house. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she slowly moved, pulling Wakka with her. They were quiet, moving, not trying to touch anything, not trying to brush past the small icicles and soft frost that hung in the room.

"Sora? Where are you?"

The house wasn't big. One turn of the head and she could see everything, the small kitchen, the bathroom, and one single closed door. The cold icy-ness of the place radiated from it.

This time, she tightened her hold on Wakka's hand.

"Ready?" she breathed. Her hand reached out and grasped the doorknob, and she turned it. It swung open, letting out a gust of freezing air that stung her eyes and made her close them in pain. She stumbled backwards, only to be held by Wakka.

"Kairi." Wakka's voice was hushed and trembling. "Don't look."

His huge hand was placed over her eyes, but she fought to pry them away.

And she saw, she saw-

Sora, asleep on the duvet on the single bed, clinging tightly to a person with impossibly snowy-white skin, one pale arm draped over his bare shoulders. Another pale hand was going slowly, mechanically through Sora's hair. Snowy white hair was splayed around him, and Kairi looked at the other person on the bed looking at her…

Looking at her with familiar eyes…

Familiar, lifeless, _lightless_ aquamarine eyes.

-owari-


End file.
